I recently had a conversation with someone about limiting beliefs and how our past experiences can continue influencing the way we think, make decisions and respond to opportunities long after the original experience is over.
That part landed with me.
Because if I’m being truthful with myself, the last several years have left a few marks.
The conversation caused me to ask myself a much more important question:
If I recognize that some of my past experiences are holding me back, what am I going to do about it?
I’ve been thinking about that question a lot lately.
I’ve Taken a Few Hits
The last several years have kicked the shit out of me a little.
I’ve experienced business failures, financial losses, lawsuits, broken relationships, bad decisions, bad luck and a handful of other battles I probably wouldn’t volunteer to repeat.
Some things happened that were outside my control.
Others were absolutely the result of decisions I made.
I’m okay owning both.
That’s why I call them Battle Scars.
I’ve always believed there is tremendous value in our experiences, especially the difficult ones. In fact, that’s one of the reasons I created Bootstraps & Battle Scars.
But I’ve recently recognized something else.
Sometimes battle scars don’t just teach us.
Sometimes they start talking to us.
Maybe I shouldn’t take that chance.
Maybe I don’t belong at that table.
Maybe I’m not as good as I thought I was.
Maybe the next one will fail too.
Somewhere along the way, some of the confidence I carried for most of my entrepreneurial life took a beating.
So now what?
I Don’t Want to Go Back
For a while, I’ve caught myself thinking:
What would the old Chris do?
I’m beginning to think that’s the wrong question.
I don’t want to go backward.
There was a lot I liked about Chris 1.0. He was confident. Optimistic. Persistent. Sometimes ridiculously optimistic. He was willing to take risks, bet on himself and believe that somehow he would figure things out.
Those qualities helped me build some pretty cool things.
They also contributed to a few mistakes.
So I don’t want to recreate Chris 1.0.
I want to build Chris 2.0.
I want to keep the confidence, optimism, persistence and entrepreneurial instincts while adding more humility, patience, judgment and perspective.
I don’t want to erase the scars.
I want to learn from them without allowing them to define me.
E + R = O
I’ve taught a simple concept for years:
Event + Response = Outcome.
We don’t always get to choose the Event.
But we do have tremendous influence over our Response.
And our Response helps determine the Outcome.
I can’t change what happened over the last several years.
I can’t go back and remake every decision.
I can’t undo a failed business venture.
I can’t change someone else’s actions.
And I certainly can’t control every outcome moving forward.
But I can choose what I do with those experiences now.
That’s my R.
And maybe that’s where rebuilding begins.
When one of those old battle scars starts talking, I can stop and ask:
Is this wisdom talking, or is this fear talking?
There is a difference.
Wisdom says, I’ve seen this movie before. Slow down and look carefully.
Fear says, Don’t try. You might get hurt again.
I want the wisdom.
I don’t need the fear.
-Banking the Wins
I also don’t think I’m going to wake up one morning and suddenly have all my old confidence back.
And I’m okay with that.
This may be a slow roll.
Confidence doesn’t have to come from standing in front of a mirror telling myself how awesome I am.
I can rebuild it with evidence.
Make a good decision.
Bank it.
Have a difficult conversation and handle it well.
Bank it.
Recognize an old pattern before repeating it.
Bank it.
Take a calculated risk without needing to control the outcome.
Bank it.
Walk into a room where I feel a little outmatched and remember that I have a lifetime of experiences that nobody else at that table has.
Bank it.
Learn something new.
Bank it.
Screw something up, own it, learn from it and respond differently the next time.
Bank that one too.
One positive rep at a time.
One deposit at a time.
That’s how I intend to rebuild my confidence.
Humble and Hungry
Maybe that’s what Chris 2.0 looks like.
Humble enough to recognize what I don’t know.
Hungry enough to keep learning.
And confident enough to remember what I do know.
I’ve accumulated a pretty significant library of experiences over nearly four decades of entrepreneurship.
Some are success stories.
Some are failures.
Some are hilarious.
And some left scars.
I don’t want to throw any of them away.
I want to keep adding to the library.
Because I’m certainly not the first person to get knocked down and have to rebuild.
People have lost businesses, careers, fortunes, relationships, confidence and direction and found their way forward again.
So can I.
It probably won’t happen through one giant breakthrough.
It will happen one choice at a time.
One good decision.
One new experience.
One lesson.
One win deposited into the bank.
And when I catch myself asking:
What would the old Chris do?
I’m going to try asking a better question:
What does Chris 2.0 do here?
My battle scars are part of my story.
They can inform me.
They can teach me.
They can even protect me.
But they don’t get to define me.
Keep the battle scars.
Lose the paralysis.
Stay humble. Stay hungry.
And keep building.
Chris Shurian is an entrepreneur, speaker, mentor and founder of Bootstraps & Battle Scars. After nearly four decades of entrepreneurship, he shares the wins, failures and battle scars from his journey to help other founders navigate their own.